


losing control (trying to hide, but i think it's alright, girl.)

by collidecolours



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Clexa - Relationship - Freeform, College AU, Drinking, F/F, and a sophomore, clarkes a freshman, clarkes an embarassing drunk, clexa au, lexa's a resident assistant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collidecolours/pseuds/collidecolours
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke meets Resident Assistant, Lexa, at the RA's dorm party. Clarke wants to know more about her, she wants to figure her out. They become friends, but Clarke's had a crush on Lexa ever since she drunkenly laid eyes on her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke has finally moved all her belongings into her dorm room with the help of her Mom and Dad. It’s around 3pm and it’s time to say goodbye to her parents since they have a three-hour drive back home. They all make their way back to the car outside, admiring the radiant sun.

“I hope it stays like this,” Clarke says with a hand shielding her eyes from the sunlight.

“I’m sure it will sweetheart, just make sure you protect your skin with some lotion, you know you get sunburnt easily,” Clarke’s Mom says. Her Dad nods in agreement in the background.

“Yes, Mom.” Clarke rolls her eyes but can’t help smiling at her protective Mother.

“Okay, we need to get going,” her Dad starts. “Be safe little one,” he says then brings Clarke in for a hug and kisses the top of her head.

Abby stands to the side with her eyes slightly glassy. “Clarke, please look after yourself,” she says. Then takes her turn hugging her daughter, Clarke can feel that her Mom doesn’t want to let go.

“I will, I promise,” Clarke says, pulling away from Abby to smile up at her. “I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know how I’m doing.”

“Make sure.” Both parent’s say in unison and then turn to laugh at one another.

Abby and Jake both climb inside the car and Jake starts the engine. Clarke starts to feel detached from her parents already, feeling a sense of loneliness within her. Her friend Raven also moved in today, but the unfamiliarity of everything is still prominent.

Clarke begins to walk away, still facing her parents. “I will, drive safe.” Clarke calls out.

Her parent’s wave from the car and drive off, Clarke continues to walk backwards slowly while watching the car drive into the distance.

“Normally people walk the other way so they can actually see where they’re going,” a familiar voice claims from behind her.

“I just love your sarcasm, Raven. It really is my favorite thing about you,” Clarke deadpans. Then turns around and pushes the brunette’s shoulder playfully.

“I know, what would you do without me?” Raven grins smugly and pretends to hold her shoulder in pain.

“Hmm, guess you’re right this time,” Clarke says with a smile. “So, any parties or anything today?”

Raven gives Clarke a ‘really?’ expression and roles her eyes. “Clarke, we're at college, it’s the first day. What do you think?”

They both begin to walk back up to their halls and they reach the door shortly, continuing to enter inside. Raven is just two doors down from Clarke so it makes things a lot easier.

“I don’t know anyone, how am I supposed to know?”

“Uh, you know me? When have I ever let you down?”

“Well, remember that tim-”

“That was an accident, you promised you’d never bring it up!” Raven exclaims.

“Fine,” Clarke responds while pulling out her key for her dorm. “You coming in?”

“Nah, I’m gonna unpack everything and then get changed for the party, be ready for 7pm,” Raven says. She backs away to her own room.

“Where is it anyway?” Clarke asks.

“In one of the Resident Assistant’s rooms. Apparently it’s like tradition for them to hold a party every year for freshman's to get to know each other or whatever,” Raven says. “Also, they have the biggest room’s out of all of us so it sounds good.”

Clarke nods her head in understanding. “Right. I’ll see you at seven.”

“See ya, Princess.”

*

It’s around 6pm and Clarke’s finally unpacked everything and decorated her dorm room with posters of favorite artworks and pictures of her family and friends. She’s situated on her bed, glancing outside of her window to see a view of campus. It’s the first time Clarke’s had a single bed for a few years, but it’s not like she’s sharing with anyone, so it doesn’t bother her much. She takes in the coral color of the walls and the plain blue carpet covering the floor. A desk is placed opposite her wardrobe and there’s more space in between which she’s happy about, she likes to move around a lot while listening to music sometimes. Clarke looks over to the clock on her bedside table.  _ Fuck, _ realizing the time Clarke wanders over to her wardrobe and flings the door open, she pulls out a black dress which was the last piece of clothing she unpacked earlier.

She removes her low cut grey v-neck and shimmies out of her black jeans throwing the clothes to the side. Clarke looks down at her matching black bra and underwear and internally praises herself for the choice. Clarke isn’t planning on getting with anyone tonight but it’s always good to be prepared. Interrupted by a buzz from her phone, she walks over to her bed to pick it up, opening a message from Raven.

**Raven:** Come to my room when ur ready

Clarke types out a quick response to say she will and throws her phone back down on her bed. Dress still in her hands, she finally slips into it forgetting it has a zip at the back. Times like this is why Raven living so close is a plus. Clarke lets her hair hang loosely and then puts on some mascara and eyeliner; grabbing a purse and slipping on some heels. She checks to make sure she has everything and leaves her room with her dress undone from the back, quickly rushing to Raven’s room in hopes of not seeing anyone, which is pretty silly since everyone’s outside of their rooms greeting each other. Clarke swiftly moves past them and decides she’ll greet everyone later.

“Raven, let me in,” Clarke bangs on the door.

“It’s open, where’s your chill?” Raven calls out.

Clarke enters and closes the door behind her. “Do me up.” Clarke gestures to her dress.

Raven strolls over to Clarke, “Woah, Clarke. You planning on gettin’ some tonight?” Raven jokes.

Clarke takes in Raven’s short red dress and raises her eyebrows at her friend. “And you’re not?” Raven rolls her eyes and physically turns Clarke around to zip up her dress. When she does, Clarke feels the dress grip tightly to her body, showing off a small amount of cleavage and her long legs. “What’s the time?” Clarke questions.

Raven pulls her phone from her purse to check. She turns the screen to Clarke, showing the time which reads: ‘19:32’. “We should probably get going,” Raven says.

“Uh, no way. I’m not leaving without at least a little alcohol in my system,” Clarke replies.

“And this is why we’re best friends.” Raven grins and turns around to reach into her bedside drawer pulling out a bottle of clear drink, which Clarke can only assume is vodka.

“Vodka, really?” Clarke grimaces. “You know how much I hate it.”

“Well, this is college, Clarke. Land of the broke, so get ready to only being able to afford cheap vodka.” Raven declares while pouring them both a shot each.

Clarke takes the shot Raven hands to her, backing it instantly. “One more,” Clarke demands as her face twists in disgust. Raven backs her shot and pours them both another, both of them backing it immediately.

“Right, let’s go!” Raven smiles widely while walking over to leave her room with Clarke following.

“Don’t forget to lo-”

“Lock my door, I know mom,” Raven mocks and receives an eye-roll from Clarke.

They both turn around to walk down the hall not realizing there were people in front of them.

“Oops, sorry!” Clarke says as she bumps into a brunette girl who turns around and smiles.

“No worries,” the girl says glancing over to smile at Raven too. “You guys going to the RA party?”

Clarke looks over at the two boys by her side, both with friendly expressions on their face. Clarke smiles at them, “Yeah, are you?”

The girl nods, “We’re heading down there now, wanna walk together?”

“Sounds good,” Raven says.

“So what’s your name?” Clarke questions while they all begin to walk toward the room with blaring music.

“I’m Octavia,” she says with a smile.

“I’m Monty,” the shorter boy responds with an awkward wave. “That’s Jasper.” He says while pointing to the boy next to him who nods at Clarke and Raven.

“Nice to meet you guys. I’m Clarke.”

“I’m Raven.”

They reach the dorm room and there are already people outside, red cups in their hands and loud laughs exchanged between them. Clarke and the rest walk inside, there’s not much space but everyone moves for them to get past.

“Let’s get drinks,” Octavia calls out while everyone nods in agreement.

Clarke makes her way to the kitchen, Raven wasn’t kidding about the Resident Assistant’s having the biggest rooms, this is a freaking house, she thinks to herself as she looks over to a large living room area while grabbing a bottle of beer from the counter and pouring it into a red cup; doing the same for Raven and her new friends. They all drink the beer quickly and pour themselves another, the sobriety already depleting in Clarke’s body.

“See anyone cute?” Clarke leans over to ask Raven, trying hard to balance.

Raven scans the crowd and lingers on Octavia for a second longer than anyone else. “Nah,” she says taking a big swig from her cup. “I’m gonna have a look around.” Raven says raising an eyebrow at Clarke with a smirk and walks away to get lost in the crowd.

Clarke turns around to find that Octavia has already found someone to talk to, or flirt with. And Jasper and Monty are nowhere to be seen. Great. Clarke backs her third beer; she’s definitely drunk now.

“Well, you’re a sight to see.” A boy taller than her leans down to whisper in her ear. She glances at him and he is pretty good-looking but from the corner of her eye Clarke sees a girl much prettier.

“Thanks,” Clarke slurs with her eyes still trained on the girl in her view.

“Wanna get out of here?” He asks, alcohol dripping from his breath.

“Not particularly.”

“Oh, c’mon. It’ll be fun.” He says emphasizing the ‘fun’.

Clarke continues to stare at the girl before her, her vision may not be the best right now but she’s definitely not blind. The girl is wearing a simple purple shirt which says ‘RA’, and Clarke realizes this is probably her room. She’s wearing black skinny jeans and her hair falls over to one side of her shoulder effortlessly. The girl has a stoic look on her face while people around her talk to her.

“I’m okay, thanks.”

Clarke pushes past the boy and confidently walks over to the mysterious girl. Clarke can definitely feel that the alcohol is consuming her body as she sways with every step. The girl finally meets her gaze and Clarke thinks she detects a small smile, but she can’t be sure.

Finally in front of the girl Clarke gives her a lazy smile, “You.” Clarke pokes her chest. “Are very pretty.” She slurs but doesn’t move her finger from in between the girl’s breast. “I need to know your name… otherwise I’ll-” Clarke stops, not particularly sure what she has to say. “I’ll cry… forever.”

The girl doesn’t seem uncomfortable but instead holds a challenging gaze. The corner of her lip lifts and she glances down to the finger on her chest.

“Oops, my bad!” Clarke exclaims while removing her finger like she burnt it.

“You’re drunk,” the girl says simply.

“Uh huh. Isn’t everybody!” Clarke spins on her heels to gesture to everyone who is dancing and messing around. In doing so she loses her balance and falls back into the girl.

“I’m pretty sure you did that on purpose.” The girl behind her huffs while holding Clarke in her arms.

Clarke laughs, pushing herself off of the girl and turns around to meet her gaze once again. “That would be pretty damn smooth,” Clarke claims as she places her empty cup on the floor, holding the girl's thigh for balance.

“Are you just finding any excuse to touch me?” The brunette says with a smug expression.

“Maybe.”

The girl smiles at her and Clarke swears she forgets everyone else is in the room. It feels like everything is quiet, except her heart, definitely not her racing heart. “I’m Clarke,” she points to herself.

“Lexa,” the brunette says. “Do you want to get some air? You seem pretty hot.”

Clarke can’t tell if that was a move on her or she genuinely did seem hot. She swipes a hand to her forehead and feels a moisture coat her palm. Ok, it is pretty hot. “Are you coming with me?” Clarke asks.

Lexa rolls her eyes but Clarke catches a slight smile. Clarke follows the girl as she leads her out of the room, pushing past all the drunk students. Clarke tries to watch her step as her balance continues to be unsteady. Lexa walks down the hall and turns back to catch Clarke’s stare.

“This way,” Lexa says as she reaches a door and turns the handle.

“Are you a-” Clarke begins, but has to string her thoughts together to get the right word. “Murderer.” She says with a fake shocked expression.

“Well you’ll soon find out, Clarke.” Lexa says as she opens the door.

“My name sounds so pretty in your mouth,” Clarke mumbles.

Lexa laughs and opens the door wider and stands back for Clarke to go first. There’s a steep stairwell and Clarke’s sure Lexa wants to help her up the stairs by making sure she doesn’t fall back. Clarke accepts and walks up the stairs, swaying from side to side but she feels Lexa’s hands on her waist, and it’s a feeling she could get used to. Clarke reaches the top but there’s a small door blocking her exit.

“Push it,” the girl beneath her says.

Clarke pushes the door and the dark nights sky dominates her vision. “Woah, this is nice.”

“Uh huh, now climb up.”

“Are you sure you’re not behind me so you can look up my dress,” Clarke mocks while looking back at Lexa who’s face is visibly flushed.

“Just go.”

Clarke does as she’s told and climbs out, she’s now on a roof. Behind her Lexa climbs out too, the girl walks over to a bag in the corner and pulls out a water bottle.

“Here, drink this,” Lexa says while handing the bottle to Clarke.

Clarke looks back at her with a confused stare. “That could be poison.” She says while crossing her arms. “Also, why do you have a bag with your stuff up here.”

“Because I do, Clarke.” Lexa sighs but opens the cap to the bottle and takes a swig. “See, I’m not dead.”

Clarke nods and takes the water, gulping down as much as she can. She wishes sobriety would wash over her so she could savour every moment with this enigmatic girl. “Have I told you that you’re beautiful,” Clarke whispers while walking to the middle of the flat roof and crouching down to cross her legs.

“I think ‘pretty’ is what you said,” Lexa claims while walking over to Clarke but not sitting down yet.

“Well you are, and I’ll probably regret all of this if I ever see you again,” Clarke mumbles while placing her head in her hands and looking off into the distance. Her vision is still blurry, but she’s able to make out the city lights.

Lexa bends down to take a seat next to Clarke, leaving a good amount of space between them. “I might not see you again,” Lexa teases.

“Well you go to this college?”

“Yes.”

“I know where your room is… that is your room right?” Clarke asks while trying to steady her vision.

“Yes.”

“Are you a Freshman?”

“Sophomore,” Lexa corrects while glancing over to Clarke.

“What do you study?” Clarke says in question.

“Law,” Lexa confirms. “You?”

“History of Art,” Clarke claims.

“Do you want to be an artist?”

“Do you want to be a lawyer?”

Lexa squints in confusion, “Well, yeah I guess so.”

Clarke closes her eyes and chooses to listen to Lexa’s soft voice. “You guess, why guess?”

“Because, Clarke. Not everything is certain.”

Clarke hears how Lexa says that like it’s the truth, the only truth. “Things are certain if you want them to be.”

“Maybe.”

Clarke opens her eyes and looks back at Lexa, she tries her hardest to focus her vision but Lexa’s appearance is still not distinct. “Is this your spot?”

“I gues- yes,” Lexa whispers and turns her head to look up at the sky. “It’s quiet out here, and you’re the first person I’ve ever actually brought up here, so feel special,” she teases.

“Why’d you bring me up here?” Clarke asks and watches as Lexa looks down at her hands and fidgets with her fingers.

“You ask a lot of questions,” Lexa smiles. “But I’m not too sure.”

“That’s okay,” Clarke reassures her.

“It is?” Lexa says as her eyebrows knit together and she turns her stare back to Clarke.

“I mean sharing something personal with a stranger is a lot easier than if it’s with someone close to you,” Clarke responds. She’s slightly more aware of her words than she was half an hour ago.

Lexa nods. “What makes you say that?”

“Art.” Clarke states. “I sketch and stuff and I think I’d rather show you my whole sketchbook than my best friend. I think it all comes down to baring your soul, you know?” Clarke sighs. It’s now Clarke’s turn to look up at the sky, all the stars are fuzzy but she can still make out their beauty. “Like the stars,” Clarke says as she points toward the sky with her hand wobbling a little.

“What about them?” Lexa inquires while inspecting the stars with her own eyes.

“I’m not really sure,” Clarke shakes her head trying to fathom her own words. “I mean we’re stars, like we have parts of star particles in our bodies.”

Lexa giggles, “Where are you going with this?”

Clarke lets out another sigh. “I don’t know… I wish I wasn’t so drunk, then I’d understand what I’m trying to say here.”

“I wish you wasn’t so drunk either, not that I don’t like you like this- I mean I do-” Lexa stutters and eventually just shakes her head and sighs to herself.

Clarke can feel the girl next to her watching the side of her face. “I feel like this is from one of those stupid romantic books, where the boy is really pretentious and the girl loves it, and he takes her on a date on top of a roof or to a museum and suddenly it’s a love story.”

“Well I’m not a boy, I’m a girl,” Lexa mocks.

“Also, this isn’t a love story.”

Both girls chuckle and let their eyes linger on one another for just a moment too long.

“I should probably get going,” Lexa whispers as she stands up. “My room’s going to be a mess, I should start kicking people out.”

Clarke closes her eyes and steadies herself as she stands up too, only swaying a little. “Yeah,” Clarke gives her a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks for this. It was really hot in there, although, I didn’t expect to be out here for so long.”

“It’s only been twenty minutes, Clarke.” Lexa claims as she peeks at the time on her phone, pulling it out of her back pocket.

Clarke’s eyes widen, she feels as though it’s been hours. “Everything is much slower when you're drunk.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Lexa smiles and shoves her hands into her back pockets.

“I’m still drunk so technically this will only be embarrassing tomorrow,” Clarke confirms. “Can I… maybehaveyournumber?” Clarke says extremely quickly.

“Hmm? I didn’t quite hear you,” Lexa teases.

Clarke rolls her eyes and wobbles on her footing a little. “Can I have your number?.”

Lexa laughs and walks over to Clarke, leaving a small amount of space between the two and Clarke doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath.

“How about you give me yours?” Lexa says. “Since you’re probably going to wake up tomorrow and forget about this or push it away. I won’t, and I’ll send you a message or a call.”

“Smart thinking,” Clarke nods and holds out her hand for Lexa’s phone, receiving it instantly. Clarke puts in her number within two attempts and reads over it three times to make sure it's correct.

They both begin to climb back down the stairwell and Lexa closes the door behind them once they’re out. They stand in silence for a second, becoming aware of the blaring music once again, Clarke didn’t realize how quiet it was up there.

“Are you going back in or?” Lexa gestures to the party.

Clarke shakes her head. “N-no, I should probably get some sleep.”

Lexa nods in understanding, “Well it was nice meeting you, Clarke.” She smiles diffidently.

“You too.”

Clarke watches silently as Lexa turns to walk off back down the corridor to her room and she doesn’t walk toward her own room until the girl is completely out of her sight.

*

A bright light trickles into Clarke’s dorm room and wakes her up since she forgot to close the curtains. Clarke pulls the cover over her face and squeezes her eyes shut, trying to get back to sleep. She hears her phone buzz on her bedside table and she sighs in annoyance but looks at the message anyway.

**Raven:** u alive princess?

**Clarke:** yes

Clarke checks the time and realizes it’s already twelve in the afternoon, groaning she yanks the covers from herself and gets ready to take a shower. She hears another buzz from her phone.

**Raven:** Where the hell did u go last nite?

That’s when the memories start swooping in. Oh no.

**Clarke:** i think i made a fool of myself in front of a rly cute girl

**Raven:** did u at least get her number?

Clarke thinks back to last night, fighting her way through her drunken memories to coat them in sobriety.

**Clarke:** think i gave her mine…

**Raven:** well i guess its jst a waiting game now ;)

**Clarke:** wait, where did u go?

**Raven:** i got laid!!! (not rly who i had my eye on but whatever) i’ll spill details later

Clarke laughs at her best friend, knowing very well she’ll spill all the details.

**Clarke:** gd. I’ll be waitin on it

With that Clarke throws her phone on her bed and undresses, pulling her hair up into a bun and throwing on her dressing robe. She picks up her toiletries and puts them in a basket, but before she can leave the room her phone rings. Clarke’s eyebrows knit together, not thinking the girl from last night would call her. Clarke walks over to her bed and picks up her phone but doesn’t answer the call straight away. Oh my god, what am I going to say?

Clarke slides the answer button and holds the phone to her ear, her heartbeat speeding up. “U-uh, hello?”

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa breathes through the other line, a grin detected in her tone.

Clarke takes a deep breath, shuddering at the girl’s husky voice. “I uh, didn’t think you’d call.”

“I didn’t think I would either.” Lexa laughs. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay, just tired.” Clarke says. She then adds, “I’m kinda talking to a stranger right now.”

“Yeah, I guess you kinda are.”

“Yupp.” Clarke replies while fidgeting with her fingers.

“I guess it’s only right if we meet up and this time have both of us be sober.” Lexa says. “I could take you on a tour around campus today?”

Clarke grows excited at the suggestion. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“It’ll be nice to have a new friend around here.”

Friend. Not what Clarke was hoping for but she shouldn't have expected anything more after last night. “Yeah.”

“I’ll come get you when you’re ready. Just text me, since you have my number now.” Lexa teases.

Clarke laughs, “Will do.”

“See you soon, Clarke.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Clarke, calm down,” Raven says as she reaches to squeeze Clarke’s right arm. “You’re seriously worrying about nothing.”

Clarke nods, but still doesn’t feel at ease. “Raven, what if she hates me?”

“She wouldn’t have called and asked to take you on a damn campus tour if she hated you, idiot.”

“But-”

“Clarke,” Raven begins. “Seriously, you said she said she was happy to make a new friend or whatever, right? So I’m sure it’ll be fine, just try not to fall for her.” Raven teases.

Clarke rolls her eyes and takes a seat at the edge of her bed. “I’m not gonna fall for her, she’s cute. That’s all.”

Raven laughs, then walks over to the bed, taking a seat next to Clarke. “Uh huh.”

“I’m serious,” Clarke says sternly while looking at Raven in an attempt at looking serious.

“Okay!” Raven exclaims, holding her hands up in surrender. “I’m just playing with you.”

“Anyway, enough about me. Who was lucky enough to sleep with my best friend last night?” Clarke raises an eyebrow in question.

Raven scrunches her eyebrows as if she’s trying to remember something. “I think his name was…”

“Raven, please tell me you remember that at least.”

“I do! Just gimme a minute.”

Clarke laughs and stands up to walk over to her wardrobe. _ Should probably start getting dressed,  _ she thinks.

“Barry?” Raven says, then shakes her head. “No, wait. Gimme another minute.”

“How bad was it?” Clarke teases.

“I mean, I’ve had better.”

Clarke snorts, then lets her hand brush over the clothing hanging inside her wardrobe. She picks out a sheer black blouse and holds it up to Raven who nods her head in appreciation. Clarke throws it over the chair near her desk and then picks out a pair of ripped denim jeans and begins to take off her sweats to put them on.

“Bellamy!” Raven yells. “That was it! It was Bellamy!”

Clarke’s pulling on her jeans. “Well, I feel bad for Bellamy since you could hardly remember his name.”

Raven pouts, “Hey, I got it eventually.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Plus, I bet you he remembers mine,” Raven smirks.

“Gross, I don’t wanna know.”

“Hey! But I always tell you these things.”

Clarke stands in front of the mirror placed in between the space near her desk and the door and inspects herself. “Hence why you don’t need to tell me again,” Clarke challenges, looking over at Raven who just huffs.

“Fine.”

Clarke then takes off her t-shirt to put on the blouse. Moving back to the mirror to look over herself.

“You look good, Clarke.” Raven nods.

“You think?” Clarke questions, running her hand through her hair to untangle any knots. Her hair then rests freely on her shoulders.

Raven stands up and walks over to Clarke, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Yeah... you know it’s not a date right?”

Clarke turns to Raven and tilts her head to one side to look at her. “I know, can you stop being so annoying?”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Raven says. “I mean, do you even know if she’s into girls?”

“Like you said, it’s not a date.”

“Okay… but you like her right?”

“Raven, I hardly know her. She’s just cu-”

“Cute. Heard ya the first time.” Raven says while nodding her head in understanding. “So when are you meeting her?”

Clarke walks over to her bedside table to grab her phone. “She said to text when I’m ready and she’ll come get me.” Clarke begins to tap her foot.

“Why don’t you text her now?” Raven asks.

“I don’t know, should I?”

“Yes, please. You’re starting to do the nervous foot thing and I can’t take it,” Raven says.

Clarke glances down to her foot and immediately stops. “Fuck, why do I do that?”

“Because you’re nerv-”

“I’m not nervous, Raven. Now get out,” Clarke walks over and begins to push Raven towards the door.

“Well, nice to know I’m wanted by my best friend,” the girl protests but continues towards the door anyway.

Raven’s now outside Clarke’s dorm, leaning on the door frame. “Keep me updated?”

“Raven, you’re two doors down. I’ll tell you about it when I get back,” Clarke says and begins to close the door on her.

“Right. Have fun, Princess!”

Clarke smiles and shuts the door. She then begins to type out a message to Lexa.

**Clarke:** _Hey, im ready. No. 008 btw_

Clarke slips on some shoes and grabs a leather jacket. She sits at her desk with the jacket in her lap, hands resting on top with her phone as she strums her fingers along the device until she feels it vibrate.

**Lexa:** _ On my way. _

Clarke’s stomach flips with nerves. She doesn’t want to make a fool of herself again. She gets up and paces around her room until she hears a knock on the door. Clarke looks in the mirror one last time while pulling on her jacket—she’s satisfied. Strolling over to the door, she twists the handle and pulls it open. Her stomach flips, again.

“Hey, you look nice,” Lexa smiles at Clarke. Both hands positioned behind her back in a military stance.

Clarke not so subtly drags her eyes over the girl in front of her, taking in her casual attire of jeans and a flannel, she receives a questioning look and a smirk. “You too,” Clarke claims while finally meeting Lexa’s gaze. She then brushes past Lexa to close her door and lock it. “I uh, I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have drunk so much.”

“It’s no problem, honestly. It was quite funny actually,” Lexa mocks. Then lazily shoves her hands inside her pockets and stares ahead.

Clarke twists around from her door and they both begin to walk towards the exit. “Uh, I wouldn’t stop touching yo- not like that, just. You know,” Clarke stutters. “It must have got annoying.”

Lexa lifts an eyebrow smugly. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

*

The walk to campus was around ten minutes long, ten minutes of small-talk and ten minutes of Clarke continuing to apologize. The campus is extremely beautiful, and Clarke sometimes forgets. She’s only been here around three times so standing from afar and really consuming its beauty is something Clarke has to do, and she does. The sunlight bouncing off the main building and the greenery that surrounds it only emphasizes its appeal.

“Where are we going first?” Clarke asks.

“There’s a hall that has all these paintings in the main building, you said you draw and stuff right?” Lexa says, turning her head to look at Clarke.

Clarke bows her head slightly, she forgot she told Lexa about that. “Yeah,” she says softly. “That’d be nice.”

Lexa smiles and begins to walk up the stairs to the entrance of the main building. “So when do you start classes?”

“It’s Saturday today right?” Clarke questions, receiving a nod from Lexa. “Right, so I start on Monday.”

“Are you excited?” Lexa says. They’re now inside, strolling down the hall side by side.

“Yeah, I guess. Just not really prepared I think.”

Lexa breathes out a laugh, “Why’s that?”

Clarke turns to her. “I don’t know if I’ll even like it,” Clarke mutters.

Lexa stops at a turn in the hall, she pokes her head around the corner and then turns back to Clarke. “You’re an artist, Clarke. I’m sure you’ll love it,” she says with a certainty in her tone.

Clarke nods and they both stand there in silence for a few seconds. Clarke feels weird. Not a bad weird,  _ definitely not a bad weird.  _ But it’s not a feeling she’s familiar with. Not something she experiences often. But she doesn’t dwell on it too much because she’s used to this; finding a liking to people easily, falling in love with their way of thinking or simply relaxing instantly at their touch. It’s just who she is, she understands people, and sometimes she doesn’t—but that’s where she finds the beauty in it. The mystery.

“Okay, it’s this way,” Lexa juts her head forward to point down another corridor. “I don’t know if you’ll like this stuff in particular. But I figured, art is art. Right?” Lexa gives Clarke a tight-lipped smile.

Clarke smiles back, and then lets her eyes flicker across the walls of the corridor which are covered with paintings. Small paintings, big paintings. Bright colors, dull colors. It’s as if someone threw a paint pallet in the air and let the colors dance together to create their own piece. “I really like this one,” Clarke says gesturing to a simple picture of a lake, a sunset and a field. But instead of using the normal colors of blue for the water and green for the grass, the artist has used the opposite. Clarke likes different. She walks closer to inspect it. “See how intricately it’s been painted?" She whispers.

“Yeah, it’s amazing.” Lexa says.

Clarke can feel her breath on her shoulder and she decides it’s too much, it sends a shiver down her spine and her stomach’s doing that thing again.

She walks down to inspect the rest of the paintings and nods in approval, sometimes sharing her thoughts with Lexa who mostly just nods and agrees.

“Maybe one day your stuff will be up here,” Lexa says with a small smile.

Clarke smiles at her diffidently and begins to walk back down the corridor. “Where to next?”

Lexa catches up with Clarke, “Well, is there anything in particular you would like to see?”

Clarke ponders on this for a moment, then feels her stomach rumble. “What about the food places?”

Lexa chuckles but nods and they both walk to leave the building. “I’ll show you around one of the lecture buildings, and then we can go and get something to eat?”

“Sounds good.”

*

“This is so good,” Clarke mumbles between bites of her burger. “How come I’ve never heard of this place.”

It’s like a coffee shop mixed with a fast food place, it’s not very busy but it’s not empty either. Lexa is sat across from Clarke in a booth, watching the girl eat while she drinks her coffee.

“It’s exclusive to our campus,” Lexa confirms. “It’s one of my favorite places though, me and my friends come here a lot.”

“Were you’re friends at the party?”

Lexa nods.

“Where were they?” Clarke asks, eyebrows knitted together.

“They were the ones who were talking to me, until you rudely interrupte-”

“I’m so sor-”

“Clarke, I’m joking.” Lexa chuckles.

“You didn’t seem all that interest if I remember correctly anyway,” Clarke mocks. Then takes another bite of her burger.

“Yeah, they kept telling me to hook up with someone,” Lexa says, her face becomes slightly flustered.

Clarke slowly nods her head. “Did you?” She’s not too sure why she asks this. It’s really none of her business.

“Uh. No- I spent most of the night with you, and when I went back inside everyone was way too drunk.”

Clarke feels a sense of relief wash over her. She ignores it.

“Right.” Clarke says. “So, why weren’t you drinking anyway?”

Lexa takes another sip from her coffee. “Technically, I was at work.”

“I want your job,” Clarke laughs. “So what do you do anyway? As an RA I mean.”

“Just take care of the residents if they need anything really. If they have questions, or need help with something. That kind of thing.” Lexa says while watching Clarke.

“Sounds goo-”

“Hey, Lex!” A guy with a dark complexion, defined muscles and a face coated in sweat interrupts. “Hey,” he nods politely towards Clarke.

“Hey,” Lexa says. “Lincoln, this is Clarke,” she gestures towards the blonde and he nods almost as though he’s come to a realization.  

“Nice to meet you,” he holds out his hand.

Clarke shakes it instantly and smiles up at him. Ignoring his damp palms on hers.

“Lincoln, you stink,” Lexa says while scrunching her nose. Clarke holds back a giggle at the girl’s honesty.

“Nice to see you too,” he rolls his eyes. “I’ve been at the gym all afternoon.”

“Oh, you start soccer soon right?” Lexa asks.

“Yupp, new year, new season.” Lincoln says. “You gonna play again?”

Lexa shrugs. “Not sure yet, maybe.”

Lincoln nods in understanding. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. Got some work to catch up on. It was nice meeting you, Clarke.” He says. Then turns to Lexa and Clarke’s sure she sees him give Lexa a thumbs up when he leaves.

“He seems nice,” Clarke says as she uses a tissue to clean off the food residue on her hands.

“Yeah, he’s like a brother to me,” Lexa responds.

There’s a silence and they both seem content with it.

“Ready to go?” Lexa says.

“Yeah,” Clarke smiles.

They both get up from the booth and move towards the exit. Lexa holds the door open for Clarke to go through first.

“Thanks,” Clarke says. Lexa smiles shyly back at her.

They begin to walk back to the dorms, it’s slightly awkward. They’re both still new to each other, Clarke still needs to get to know the brunette. She still needs to figure her out.

“Thank you for today, it was really nice of you to show me around,” Clarke claims. “And thanks for giving me a second chance, and by that I mean not thinking I’m always that annoying.”

Lexa laughs as she shakes her head. Her eyes trained on the floor as they walk. “It was nice, you’re good company, Clarke.”

Clarke lifts the corner of her mouth into a smile and studies the side of Lexa’s face. She looks at her defined cheekbones and wavy hair, her long eyelashes can just be made out from Clarke’s view but she notices them too. She notices a lot; she likes a lot.

*

When they arrive back at the dorms, they both stand outside Clarke’s room since hers is first. Clarke fiddles inside her pocket to find her key and slips it into the door but doesn’t turn it, she just leaves it there and turns back around to say goodbye to Lexa.

“Uh, thanks again. We should hangout again sometime.”  _ Too desperate, Clarke. Maybe she doesn’t want too. _

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Lexa nods. “Actually I was thinking. Lincoln’s soccer game is on Monday evening if you wanna come? You could bring your friends too.”

Clarke feels a warmth flush over her chest. “Yeah. I’d love too,” she smiles.

“Great, I’ll see you then?”

“See you then.” Clarke confirms, then watches as Lexa smiles and turns to walk to her own room, nodding at a few students as she does.

Clarke unlocks her door and walks inside, she then slumps herself on her bed. She texts her parents and lets them know that she’s doing fine and that she’ll give them a call later. Then texts Raven to come over and within seconds there’s a knock on her door.

“It’s open,” she calls out.

Raven enters and closes the door behind her. She walks over to the chair at Clarke’s desk and takes a seat. “Details,” she demands.

Clarke rolls her eyes.

“We just hung out. It was nice.”

Raven nods skeptically, “Will there be more ‘hang outs’?” Raven asks while quoting with her fingers.

Clarke reaches behind her head and throws a pillow at her friend.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Stop being annoying.”

“Well stop looking like you’ve just met jesus himself.”

“What the hell?”

“Clarke, you’re lying on your bed staring up at the ceiling and you’re also blushing.”

“No I’m not,” Clarke argues while placing both palms on her cheeks to feel them.  _ Maybe she is.  _ “Okay, maybe I have a little crus-”

“I knew it!” Raven shouts and jumps up from her seat. “Did you find out if she’s into girls?”

“Uh, no. But I mean she can be pretty flirty sometimes I guess,” Clarke says leaning up on her elbow.

“That’s not good enough. We need confirmation.”

“ _ We?” _

“Yes ‘we’ Clarke. I’m now officially your wingwoman,” Raven grins.

“No you’re not, Raven.”

“Fine, but seriously what next?”

Clarke can’t help chuckling at her best friend's eagerness. “Well she invited me to her friends soccer game on Monday, she said I could bring my friends.”

Raven nods as she takes in the information. “Okay, that’s a start. Shall I uh, invite Octavia and her friends from yesterday?”

Clarke raises an eyebrow. “How? We didn’t get her number or anything.”

“I did.”

Clarke looks at her questioningly.

“After you decided to go on your embarrassing little journey, we hung out a bit. She seems cool.”

“Uh huh.”

“Don’t give me that tone, Griffin.”

“What tone?” Clarke says innocuously.

Raven huffs in annoyance, “Anyway. I’ve gotta skype my parents so I’ll talk to you later, Princess.” She says as she walks towards the door. “Keep me updated.” Raven calls as she closes the door behind her.

Clarke sits up to take off her jacket and discards it on the floor, then lies back down to stare up at the ceiling. She figures she’ll get all her preparation for classes done today since it’s only 5pm, but she just needs a moment to think. Think about how she feels. Right now she feels light, like she’s on a soft cloud drifting across the sky. She places her hands behind her head.  _ It’s just a crush, it’ll go away,  _ she tells herself. The last time someone made her stomach flip the way Lexa does was with her ex, Finn. But it was a different kind, it just wasn’t the same. Clarke sighs aloud and closes her eyes. Then her phone buzzes by her side, she reaches for it and reads the text.

**Lexa:** _ I forgot to mention. You can use my spot if you ever need a break or anything. _

Clarke smiles to herself. Her stomach did that thing.  _ Again. _

**Clarke:** _ Thnks. I might take u up on that. _

__ **Lexa:** _ Just don’t tell anybody about it. I was serious when I said you’re the only one I brought up there. And you probably don’t remember, but there’s a key for the door. It’s underneath the mat. _

Clarke feels special. Such a personal thing being shared with her, it makes her feel trusted in some way. She likes it. She appreciates it.

**Clarke:** _ I appreciate it, thank u :) and i wont. maybe i’ll show u my art one day as a thank u. _

__ **Lexa:** _ I’d like that, Clarke. _

Clarke rolls onto her stomach and reads through their messages one more time. She can’t help but smile. She’s happy she met Lexa, she’s excited to get to know her. It doesn’t seem like it’ll be easy, Clarke notices the way Lexa tenses up at personal questions. But Clarke’s patient, she doesn’t mind waiting. She thinks maybe Lexa’s similar to a star. You don’t always see it, sometimes they hide - or they’re obscured. But when you do see them, when they show themselves; it’s worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop a comment/kudos if you liked this chapter - helps me to know if i should keep writing :)
> 
> elizajanetaylr.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke wishes she prepared herself a bit more for her classes today. She’s not entirely unprepared, but she knows she could have done a lot more. It’s currently her last class and she can’t wait to get out. Listening to her lecturer’s monotonous voice for the past hour is draining her energy. Her head is placed lazily in her hands while her eyelids continue to flutter open and closed trying to pay attention when finally the class is over. Clarke shoves her books back into her bag, slings it over her shoulder and darts to the exit.

In her rush to leave she bumps into someone, It’s Octavia, the girl she met at the dorm party.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I keep doing this,” Clarke says and gives Octavia a small smile in an attempt to apologise.

Octavia smiles back at her and shrugs. “No harm done.”

Clarke smiles and they both continue on down the hall. “Are your classes over?”

“Nope, I have two more,” Octavia pouts.

“God, that sucks,” Clarke replies. “Oh, are you going to Lincoln’s soccer game today? Raven said she’d invite you.”

Octavia perks up at the mention. “Yeah definitely! I’m pretty excited, I love soccer.”

Clarke nods and grins. “Not really my thing but I’m pretty excited too.”  _ For different reasons. _

They continue to talk until they reach the room for Octavia’s next class. They hug goodbye and exchange numbers before they depart and Clarke makes her way back to her dorm.

As Clarke finally reaches her door, she pulls out her keys from her jacket pocket and eagerly unlocks the door. She just wants to laze around for a while, gather her thoughts. But she hears a door close as she opens hers and she looks in that direction in hopes of seeing Lexa. And she does. She watches as the girl walks towards her and she can’t help but stare. The girl’s brown locks fall over her shoulders effortlessly, her tight fitted jeans hug her thighs while her blue plaid shirt lets Clarke’s imagination do the rest. Clarke smiles at Lexa, she’s trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, she’s trying to ignore how beautiful Lexa is. But she can’t.

“Hey, Lexa,” Clarke says. It feels like she’s shrinking, it feels like all the air in her lungs have dissipated.

Lexa stands in front of Clarke and smiles at her. Clarke lets her eyes flicker to the brunette’s lips just for one second, just one—but God, she wants to look at them forever.

“Clarke,” Lexa nods. “How were classes?”

Clarke opens the door to her room and asks Lexa if she’d like to come in. When Lexa takes a while to respond Clarke realizes she was obviously busy. “Oh, you were obviously going somewhere, sorr-”

“No,” Lexa shakes her head. “No, I was just going to grab something from the cafeteria. Nothing important,” she emphasizes.

Clarke nods in understanding and opens the door for Lexa to enter. She can’t help glancing at the brunette’s ass when she enters, and before she can look away Lexa turns around swiftly and catches Clarke’s sneaky stare. Without saying anything, Lexa simply smirks at Clarke and Clarke clears her throat in return, trying to ignore the blush that’s travelling up from her neck to her face.

“Uh, s-sorry… about the mess,” Clarke stutters.

Lexa smiles. “No problem, Clarke. I’ve seen worse,” she replies and looks around Clarke’s room curiously.

Clarke closes the door behind her and takes a seat on her bed. She watches as Lexa looks at a few of the artworks that decorate her walls, it kind of feels like Lexa’s looking into her soul—it feels personal, but Clarke isn't opposed to it at all. “You can sit down if you want.” Clarke gestures to her desk chair. Lexa nods and takes a seat.

“So are you excited for tonight?” Lexa asks. Her eyes not leaving Clarke’s.

Clarke idly fiddles with her hands on her lap. “Yeah, I’ve never really seen a real soccer game actually.”

“Really? You’re missing out,” Lexa laughs. "It's nice to just let your mind relax and enjoy something for once, being immersed in the game I mean," she smiles and begins to fiddle with her own fingers.

Clarke wants to hear that laugh again, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But she’s pretty sure if she doesn’t, she’d definitely be missing out on that. 

“I’d have to disagree,” Clarke responds. "Seems pretty boring, unless the team's got some hot players," Clarke mocks.

Lexa raises an eyebrow and clasps her hands together on top of her crossed legs. “It's a mixed team actually, boys and girls,” Lexa responds simply.

"That's not a problem for me," Clarke blushes and watches as Lexa nods in understanding. As long as Clarke's not going crazy, she's pretty sure she sees a smirk form at the corner of Lexa's lips.

Clarke hopes she isn’t imagining things. Lexa flirts with her too, right? This whole experience is different for Clarke, very different. The confidence that she usually oozes when talking to someone she likes isn’t there anymore. Instead she feels more nervous than usual, and she hopes Lexa doesn’t notice it.

“Clarke?”

Lexa’s words bring her out of her reverie. She shakes her head and answers, “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”

Lexa knits her eyebrows together and looks at Clarke like she knows something is wrong. Clarke hates it, but she loves it too. She’s barely known this girl for a week but it feels a lot longer. Clarke manages a smile at Lexa who returns one with a concerned expression plastering her face.

“Well, the games in two hours so maybe that’ll take your mind off it.” Lexa encourages.

_ You’re the reason my thoughts are elsewhere.  _ “Yeah.” Clarke answers.

Lexa nods her head and stands up. “I should probably go, I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah definitely,” Clarke smiles. “You’ll save me a seat right?” Clarke jokes and walks over to her door to open it for Lexa.

Lexa reaches the door and they both reach their hands out for the handle simultaneously, bumping their hands together on accident.

“I—uh, sorry.” Lexa starts, a slight blush barely visible on her cheeks. She retracts her hands quickly and shoves them into her back pockets.

Clarke is  _ sure  _ in that moment that Lexa felt something too. She’s not talking about a magical spark, or an electric shock. She’s saying that it felt right, and quite frankly Clarke wants to touch her hand again if this is the reaction she gets. A nervous Lexa fumbling over her words.

Clarke’s hands fall to her sides and she chuckles. “I’ll see you later.”

Lexa gives her a tight-lipped smile and turns on her heels to walk off.

Clarke doesn’t close the door until she’s out of her sight.

*

“Clarke, hurry up we have to meet Octavia and her friends,” Raven yells as Clarke’s finishing up in the bathroom.

“I’m coming!” Clarke reassures her as she’s pulling on her jacket and finishing up her mascara.

“That’s what she said,” Raven calls.

Clarke rolls her eyes but can’t help laughing. “You’re such an idiot,” she says as she leaves the bathroom and exits her room with Raven. “Where are we meeting them anyway?”

Raven starts to walk the way opposite the exit, toward Lexa’s room. “She said to meet her in Lexa’s room, they’re friends apparently.” Raven shrugs.

Clarke’s not really surprised by this. They’re quite similar in a way.

“Jealous?” Raven says, lifting an eyebrow.

Clarke shoves her friend and Raven laughs.

They reach Lexa’s door and Raven knocks, Octavia answers and opens the door for them both to enter. Clarke looks around and doesn’t see Lexa, and before she can stop herself she asks: “Where’s Lexa?”

Clarke receives an eyebrow raise from her best friend and before she can defend herself Lexa comes out from the bathroom.

“Here,” she smiles.

Their eyes seem to linger on one another for a moment too long.

“Are we ready to go?” Raven clears her throat. “Wait where are your friends?” She asks, looking at Octavia.

“They couldn’t make it, there’s this new game out today or someth-”

“Say no more, I already forgive them. That game is epic,” Raven interrupts and Octavia laughs.

They stand around for a second, and Clarke decides to break the silence. “It’s a double date then,” she laughs nervously. Fortunately, the others laugh too and they all begin to leave Lexa’s room, Lexa being the last one. Brushing past Clarke almost purposely, she leans over to her ear to say something.

“You wish,” she smirks.

Clarke doesn’t think she’s going to be able to make it through the evening.

*

They’re all finally at the match, sitting in the bleachers. Raven and Clarke sit together, with Octavia and Lexa on their side. Clarke’s pretty sure her best friend has a crush on Octavia and is too shy to sit next to her. Nonetheless, she wishes she was sitting next to Lexa.

Lexa keeps looking over though. Through the loud cheers, the chatter and all the background noises. She keeps looking over.

And Clarke keeps looking back.

“Okay, we’re definitely gonna win,” Raven confirms as she watches the match.

Clarke isn’t really paying attention but she knows Lincoln’s team have already scored twice, and the other team hasn’t scored at all.

“Clarke, did you see that!” Octavia pokes her from her other side while pointing to the pitch.

“Um, no. What happened?” Clarke questions, not really seeing anything in particular.

Clarke turns her head to look at Octavia, but she notices Lexa chuckle next to her, shaking her head with a smile.

“We just got a penalty, Clarke!” Octavia almost jumps out of her seat.

Clarke just nods and watches as nearly everyone jumps up from their seats when our team score another goal.

They all watch until the end and Clarke is surprisingly excited that it’s over. She stretches her arms out in front of her and feels her t-shirt lift up a bit, revealing her midriff. Clarke turns her view to Lexa, she’s sure she sees her watching her, but she shakes her head at the thought.

_ She just wants to be friends,  _ she keeps repeating to herself like a mantra.

Lincoln jogs over to them, sweaty and out of breath, politely thanking them for coming. “There’s a party to celebrate if you guys are up for it?” He asks.

All four of them look at each other for an answer, then nod their heads in agreement.

“Sounds good,” Lexa confirms.

“You got it commander,” Lincoln replies while jogging off.

Clarke knits her eyebrows together. “Commander?” She questions looking over at Lexa for an answer.

“Uh, I used to be their coach. That’s what they used to call me,” she answers.

Clarke’s eyebrows raise slowly, and she nods in understanding. But she also feels a heat she hasn’t felt in a long time wash through her at the idea of Lexa being called ‘Commander.’

“So, we ready to go?” Octavia says, interrupting Clarke’s thoughts.

Clarke needs to get drunk. She’s done way too much thinking lately.

“I’m ready,” she answers. With Raven nodding her head in agreement.

*

They make it to the party and while Raven and Octavia are already tipsy, Clarke’s been pacing herself. Clarke decides to leave her two friends and make her way outside. Away from the loud music, and to find Lexa. She hasn’t seen the girl since they all got here.

Yes, she wanted to get drunk but thinking about Lexa being here reminds her of the last time this happened. She didn’t want to look stupid. But pushing past the sweaty boys and girls in the garden, Clarke doesn’t think she has to worry about that anymore.

“Clarke!” Lexa drunkenly shouts out with a full red cup spilling in her hand.

Clarke smiles and watches as the girl pulls herself away from Lincoln and some other friends and does her best to not fall as she walks over to her.

“Clarke, Clarke, Clarke,” Lexa repeats and waves a finger in front of Clarke who just continues to grin at the drunk girl. “I think I say that a little too much.”

Clarke laughs and places her own red cup on the floor next to her. “Lexa, you’re drunk.” Clarke confirms and takes Lexa’s own red cup from her. “You’ve clearly had way too much.” Clarke raises her eyebrows waiting for a reply.

Lexa crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Maybe I have,” she begins. “Maybe I haven’t. You’ll never know.”

Clarke chuckles. “Do you want to go inside?”

Lexa ponders for a moment, swaying on her two feet gently. “No.”

“Okay… What do you want to do?”

“I want to stay with you, Clarke.”

Clarke’s heart jumps. But she ignores Lexa’s words, blaming it on her drunken state. “What shall we do then?”

Lexa turns around swiftly and almost loses her balance but Clarke catches her by the waist.

“Lexa, be careful.”

“Sorry,” Lexa slurs trying to regain her balance. “Can we sit over there?” She points at an empty bench within the vast garden.

Clarke nods and reaches one of her hands out for Lexa to grab. She does, and Clarke makes her way to the bench slowly, pulling Lexa behind her.

“You’re good company, Clarke.”

Clarke smiles to herself, Lexa still following behind her. “Mm-hmm. You said that before, remember?”

“No, but you are!”

Clarke laughs and she feels her chest swell. “Thank you, Lexa.”

“No, thank you,” Lexa whispers.

Clarke’s not really sure what to make of that.

Finally reaching the bench, Clarke lets go of Lexa’s hand and watches as the brunette pouts.

“You want to hold my hand?” Clarke asks not really sure if that was the reason Lexa pouted. She then takes a seat on the bench, patting beside her for Lexa to sit next to her.

Lexa sits next to her and places the palm of her hand face-up on Clarke’s thigh. Clarke doesn’t need verbal confirmation from Lexa to know that means yes. Maybe Lexa is just drunk, and she won’t remember this tomorrow. But that doesn’t mean Clarke won’t cherish every moment they spend together. It’s a little overwhelming for Clarke, but she remains calm—Lexa’s thumb lazily rubbing over her hand.   

“Are you okay?” Clarke questions.

Lexa looks down at their clasped hands and nods slowly. “Just a little drunk.”

“A little?” Clarke giggles.

Lexa nods and then leans her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, definitely right now.”

Lexa shifts her head up a little to look at Clarke. “Why right now?”

“Uh—because I’m with you I guess." Clarke figures it's okay to speak the truth with Lexa being so drunk.

Lexa nods against Clarke’s chest. “But you still don’t really know me.”

“I guess not but that doesn't mean I can't like you," Clarke says. "As a friend I mean," she adds.

Clarke looks down at Lexa whose eyelids are fluttering shut and Clarke feels her chest swell again. She’s never had this feeling before. She just wants to remain close to Lexa, take care of her.

“It’s okay. I can feel it too,” Lexa says almost inaudibly.

Clarke wants to blame those words on the alcohol, but her heart won’t let her.

“You do?”

Clarke waits for a reply but she doesn’t receive one. Minutes pass and she realizes Lexa’s fallen asleep. Clarke looks up at the sky and revels in the near-silence. The sound of the music too far away to disturb her, and the same goes for the people. She wonders if Lexa does feel it, she wonders if she isn’t crazy. She hopes she does. Clarke feels stupid for letting herself like this girl so much. But she can’t help it, she can’t help the way her stomach flips when she sees her, or the way she subconsciously licks her lips when she looks at Lexa’s lips for too long.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice pulls her out of her daydream. “Your heart’s beating really fast.”

Clarke realizes Lexa wasn't actually asleep and looks down at their intertwined hands and she feels her heart race even more at the sight. “Just a little, but I'll be okay." Clarke smiles down at Lexa and squeezes her hand.

“What’s your favorite color?” Lexa asks, not moving from her position or bothering to open her eyes.

Clarke giggles at Lexa’s random questions but answers anyway. “Turquoise, what’s yours?”

“I don’t know if I have one.”

“That’s okay. Everyone’s different.”

Lexa nods. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Nope, do you?” Clarke asks. Curious to know more about the ineffable girl next to her.

“Uh—yeah.”

Clarke can feel Lexa tense up slightly at the mention. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want too.”

“It’s fine, it’s just I miss her.”

“What’s her name?” Clarke questions, but doesn’t want to push Lexa.

“Anya.” Lexa smiles to herself. “She looked after me when our mom left.”

Clarke nods slowly and begins to tangle her fingers into Lexa’s hair, stroking lightly.

“Is it okay if we don’t talk about it anymore?”

Clarke wants to hold her.

“It’s more than okay. Do you want me to take you back to your dorm so you can get some sleep?”

“Please,” Lexa whispers.

*

They gradually make it too Lexa’s room. Clarke helps Lexa into her bed but doesn’t change her out of her clothing, she doesn’t want to make the girl feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa sighs while pulling the cover over herself.

Clarke smiles. “Anytime, text me tomorrow to let me know you’re okay.”

“Why didn’t you drink?” Lexa questions ignoring the question—a slur still detectable in her speech.

“Uh, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself again,” Clarke replies, looking down at her feet.

Lexa turns around at this, looking up at Clarke through her thick eyelashes. “Clarke, you didn’t make a fool of yourself last time,” she begins. “I liked it, I like y—”

Clarke waits for her to form coherent words. Was Lexa about to say she liked her?

“You should go. Before I embarrass myself even more than I have,” Lexa throws her covers over her face and Clarke chuckles.

“You sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yes, Clarke. Thank you,” she mutters.

Clarke smiles and turns to leave. She closes the door behind her but instead of walking to her own room, she walks toward the door which leads to the roof. Taking the key from beneath the mat, she unlocks the door and makes her way up, opening the top and stepping onto the roof.

She just needs some time to think is all.

She takes out her phone and texts both Octavia and Raven telling them Lexa and her are fine, and to text her when they wake up. With that out of the way she gets comfortable. Sitting down to cross her legs in front of her and glance at the view across from her. It’s a lot clearer than it was the last time she was here. Clarke scopes the corner of the roof and sees the similar bag she saw last time, she’s curious but she’d never want to invade Lexa’s space like that.

God, this girl’s making her crazy.

Clarke continues to let her mind wander for around an hour. She finally gets up to leave when a piece of paper catches her peripheral vision. She leans down to pick it up and unfolds it, words scattered aimlessly across the paper.

_ ‘I think I like her…. A lot.’  _ It reads.

Clarke remembers that only Lexa and herself have access to this roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now Clarke knows Lexa likes her too! She'll probably be a little more confident now...
> 
> elizajanetaylr.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you think I should tell her I found it?” Clarke asks.

“No, I think you should play it cool. Just flirt more or something,” Raven replies with a shrug.

Clarke and Raven have no classes today and decide it’s a perfect afternoon to lounge around and watch movies in Clarke’s room. Clarke informed Raven about the note, she needs help figuring out how to deal with it, and no one better than her best friend to give her advice.

“What if it wasn’t her note?”

Raven shuffles on Clarke’s bed and tilts the laptop screen so she can see the screen better. “Clarke, like you said. No one else goes up there.”

“I know, I know. I think I’m just trying to talk myself out of it — I think I really like her, Raven,” Clarke says and looks over to her side at her best friend. Eyebrows knitted together, she’s almost confused at her own feelings.

“Woah there, Clarke,” Raven begins. “Are you sure you wanna drop that?”

“What do you mean?” Clarke responds — then leans over to pause the film playing on the laptop.

Raven looks over at Clarke with a sympathetic look on her face. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, you know? Don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited for you, it’s just I still don’t really know Lexa well enough to confirm that she’s good enough for my best friend,” she teases.

Clarke scoffs sarcastically but watches as Raven’s eyebrows raise in question — Clarke rolls her eyes at how well her best friend knows her. “Fine, yeah I get it — I won’t get in  _ too  _ deep until I know the feeling is definitely mutual.”

“Has she texted you since the other night when she was drunk?” Raven questions.

“No — not yet,” Clarke shrugs. “I mean she’s probably embarrassed.”

“Maybe you should message her? Or better yet, knock on her door — which I have to remind you is literally down the hall,” Raven mocks with a grin teasing her lips.

Clarke shoves her shoulder playfully. “I think I’m gonna leave it up to her. But what about you, who have you got a crush on? You’ve been quiet in that department lately.”

“Um, n—no one,” Raven stutters.

“Raven?” Clarke asks. “What aren’t you telling me?” She adds quirking a brow.

Raven fiddles with her fingers and loses eye-contact with Clarke. “Um—”

“Is it Octavia?” Clarke interrupts.

Raven’s head swiftly turns to Clarke, a noticeable blush visible on her cheeks. “Wait, h—how did you know?”

Clarke chuckles, she doesn’t think Raven realizes just how well she knows her. “It’s pretty obvious, you get all nervous whenever she’s around.”

“No I don’t, what the—”

“Raven,” Clarke says softly, giving her a knowing look.

Clarke watches her friend reach over and press play on the laptop, ignoring her. Clarke pauses it again and looks back to Raven.

“Talk to me.”

Raven shrugs and leans her head back on the head board. “I think she has a boyfriend.”

“Think?”

“Yeah, I don’t know, she’s always with him,” Raven says. “Lincoln, the one who invited us to the party.”

Clarke nods in understanding, she’s never seen Raven look so defeated before. “Maybe they’re just friends?”

“Maybe, but I doubt it.”

“Well you’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

Raven chuckles lightly. “Says you.”

Clarke laughs —  her own advice sucks because there’s no way in hell she’s gonna outright ask Lexa if she likes her.

“Clarke, I’m pretty sure I like girls,” Raven says. Her eyebrows knitted together in realization. “Like, just girls.”

Clarke smiles at Raven, she’s not surprised at the girl’s revelation — she always had a feeling Raven didn’t like boys but she wanted her to figure it out on her own. “No wonder Bellamy was so bad then,” Clarke jokes.

“Hey!” Raven pushes her shoulder lightly.

“But seriously,” Clarke starts. “Now you know —  at least you can stop wasting time on boys.”

“Yeah,” Raven agrees. “Crushes suck.”

“Tell me about it,” Clarke sighs, then reaches out to play the movie again.

*

It’s around 9pm when Clarke hears a knock on her door. She puts the textbook that she was reading on her desk, and gets up from her chair to answer the door.  _ Raven probably forgot something,  _ she thinks.

But she’s wrong, and she definitely is not prepared to see Lexa when she opens the door.

“Lexa, h—hi,” she stammers. “Is everything okay?”

Clarke looks at Lexa who shyly smiles and nods, dressed in a loose white shirt and pajama shorts, her legs long and slender.

Clarke realizes she’s staring.

“Do you, uh… wanna come in?” Clarke reprimands herself internally for staring for so long. Especially in places she probably shouldn’t be.

“Sure.”

Clarke opens the door for Lexa, stepping back and letting her enter. Lexa takes a seat at Clarke’s desk chair and Clarke sits on her bed — just like last time Lexa was in her room the other day.

“I just wanted to say sorry,” Lexa begins. “For the other night. I uh—shouldn’t have taken up so much of your time. I’m sure I ruined your night.” Lexa plays with the string on her shorts while maintaining eye-contact with Clarke, whose heart is racing.

_ She didn’t ruin my night, she made it better.     _

“You don’t have to apologise, Lexa,” Clarke replies softly. “I guess we’re quits now, huh?” She laughs.

Lexa smiles, a big smile — one Clarke’s not familiar with. It makes her heart flutter.

“Well, thank you anyway,” Lexa says. “And sorry for taking so long to say it — I’ve been in a world of my own lately.”

“That’s okay — honestly. I’m glad you came to speak to me.”

Clarke shuffles backwards on her bed which is against the wall, so that her back is also against the wall and her feet hang off of the side. “Wanna start fresh?”

Lexa raises her eyebrows in question, her eyes squint and it’s clear she’s waiting for an explanation.

“How about we both pretend none of our drunken occurrences ever happened?” Clarke announces. “Then we can both officially stop being sorry all the time.”

Lexa smirks. “I think that’s a good idea, Clarke.” Lexa stops fiddling with the string on her shorts and places her palms awkwardly on her knees, letting them rest there.

Silence lingers in the air for a few moments while both of them try to figure out what to say next. Then Clarke gets an idea — a silly one.  

“Do you wanna build a fort?” Clarke suggests.

“A fort?” Lexa asks, her lips pulling at the corners into a small smile.

“Yeah, I mean we could build one and then watch some movies inside it.” Clarke crosses her legs. “It’ll be fun, come on.”

Lexa stands up, her arms hanging languidly at her sides. “Sure, let’s do it — but let me warn you, I’m the best fort builder in town.”

Clarke nods her head slowly. “Uh huh, so you won’t need my help then?”

“Nope.”

*

“Clarke, why won’t it stay up?” Lexa says with her tongue poking out in concentration as she places a blanket on Clarke’s desk and puts the other end on the bed. “I need something to make it stay.”

Clarke’s sitting on the floor watching Lexa — who is way too stubborn to ask for help. Lexa’s moved Clarke’s desk closer to the bed so that the blanket reaches it. It’s been around thirty minutes and this is as far as Lexa’s got, Clarke can’t help but hide a laugh behind her hand every few minutes at the struggling brunette.

“Lexa, let me help.”

Lexa places a lamp on top of the cover on the desk so that it stays put. “Got it!”

“Finall—” Before Clarke can finish the blanket hanging on the bed slips off onto the floor and Clarke falls into a fit of giggles.

Lexa stands at her full height and crosses her arms over her chest. “Yes, very funny — just help me make it stay,” she says rolling her eyes.

Clarke composes herself and stands up to help Lexa. “So now you want my help, huh?” Clarke teases while picking the blanket up and placing her heavy backpack full of textbooks on top as it rests on her bed. “There we go. It really wasn’t that hard,” she says cocking an eyebrow at a defeated Lexa.

“I get it, I’m a terrible fort builder.”

“You really are.”

Clarke takes a step toward Lexa whose arms fall to her side again. Clarke’s eyes flicker to Lexa’s lips for just a second — and then she realizes she’s doing the staring thing again.

“Okay, we uh—we need some blankets to lay on,” Clarke voices softly.

Clarke catches Lexa’s gaze on her own lips and she doesn’t tell herself  _ she just wants to be friends  _ , this time she reminds herself of the note.

“I could grab some from my room?” Lexa replies with a shrug.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Lexa’s about to leave, but she turns around halting her step. “Have you been on the roof lately?”

Clarke sure she sees a wave of fright wash over Lexa’s eyes. She doesn’t want to embarrass Lexa, so she decides she’ll lie. Plus, the note might not have been about  _ her  _ , so why embarrass herself too.

“Um, no… why?” Clarke responds.

“No reason.”

Clarke watches as Lexa gives a small smile and leaves to retrieve the blankets.  _ That was weird.  _ She decides not to think about it, right now isn’t the time.

She makes sure the fort is sturdy, patting it down and testing it out with her hands. When she’s happy it is, she retrieves her laptop from the floor and sits on the floor, opening up the laptop and then netflix to see which movies or tv shows the two of them could watch. She hears a knock and she rolls her eyes and smiles, knowing it’s Lexa.

“Come in,” she calls.

Lexa walks in with a few blankets in her hands.

“You didn’t have to knock you know?” Clarke says.

Lexa drops the blankets on the floor. “It’s called being polite,” Lexa mocks.

Clarke laughs and then moves across the floor to take the blankets and put them inside the fort. “There we go, nice and cosy.”

“Why couldn’t we just watch movies like normal people again?” Lexa asks as she hovers over Clarke.

“Because normal is boring. Now shutup and get inside.” Clarke gestures at the fort and Lexa follows, bending down and crawling inside, Clarke finds herself staring at Lexa’s ass for just a second.

“Stop staring at my ass,” Lexa speaks loudly from inside the fort.

Clarke’s cheeks heat up. “I—I wasn’t,” she says as she crouches down and crawls inside, bringing the laptop with her.

“I’m kidding, Clarke,” Lexa says, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear — her lips slightly parted.

Clarke’s sure Lexa’s a celestial being.  “What if I was?” She challenges — noticing how Lexa’s own cheeks start to blush.

Lexa clears her throat and lets out a soft laugh. Then rolls onto her stomach and Clarke does so too.

“So what do you wanna watch?” Clarke questions while scrolling through netflix — the light from the screen illuminating the fort.

“Hmm,” Lexa hums. “How about an action movie?”

“Yeah, sure.”

*

They’re halfway through the movie. Clarke hasn’t been paying much attention because action movies aren’t really her thing, but she didn’t have the heart to tell Lexa. But also, Lexa’s face is very distracting. The way her eyebrows dip when she’s concentrating on a tense scene, or the way she breathes out a light laugh when something’s funny.

Knocking Clarke from her thoughts, the blanket above them collapses. Clarke laughs but attempts to hang it back on the desk — which is near Lexa’s side.

“I was getting into that,” Lexa complains as she pauses the movie.

“Shh, help me secure the blanket again,” Clarke says — she reaches over Lexa’s body to pin the cover back on the desk. “Try and put the lamp on top.”

Lexa turns around to lie on her back and Clarke tries her hardest to focus on what she’s doing instead of Lexa, who she wishes she was doing instead. The girl beneath her reaches out her arm to feel for the lamp on the desk.

“Where is it?” Lexa asks.

“Lexa, the blanket’s in the way I can’t see.”

Clarke watches as Lexa continues to search for the lamp on the desk to no avail. But before she can tell her not to worry about it, Lexa accidentally pushes the desk away as she brings her arm back down. The desk was Clarke’s support, what was holding her up.

Now it’s Lexa. Clarke’s on top of Lexa.  Clarke doesn’t move though, she hears Lexa’s breath hitch beneath her and her own does the same.

_ Fuck. _

“I guess we’re both bad fort builders,” Lexa whispers lowly as a bashful smile teases her lips.

Their mouths are inches apart and their chests flat against each other — their breaths meld together. Clarke’s eyes find Lexa’s deep, verdant green eyes and she’s locked.

“I guess.”

Clarke feels herself leaning down towards Lexa’s lips before she can stop herself. But she doesn’t go all the way, she leaves Lexa to close the gap.

She does.

Clarke’s heart is beating so fast she’s sure she’s about to have a heart attack. Her eyes flutter closed and she moans lightly into the chaste kiss. Lexa’s soft lips remain still on hers, but it’s enough — enough to make her stomach flip — enough to make the palms on either side of Lexa’s head sweat. It’s enough. Until it isn’t. But Clarke doesn’t have time to deepen the kiss when Lexa pulls away, her eyes wide and breaths sharp.

“I—” she breathes leaning up on her elbows, which leaves their lips inches apart once again. “I should go,” Lexa says — but Clarke catches her eyes flicker to her lips.

Clarke pushes herself off of Lexa and sits on her knees, hands clasped in her lap — the messy blankets beneath her. She watches as Lexa gets up and dusts off invisible creases in her shirt.  Clarke feels her heart drop at Lexa’s eagerness to leave.

“S—sorry,” Clarke whispers. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, I don’t know what came over me.”

“No, It’s my fault,” Lexa responds then walks toward the door. “Uh — I’ll see you around,” she says and then leaves.

Clarke sighs loudly and shoves her face into her hands, shaking her head.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

So much for not getting in too deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual kudos/comment if you liked this chapter! 
> 
> elizajanetaylr.tumblr.com for any questions :)


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